It's probably quite a delayed response, but i finally smell FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM. But the scent of freedom, breaking away from the boundaries of A's, just doesn't feel as exhilarating as that of two years ago. I wonder why. Perhaps its that nagging feeling of you-should've-done-better that's causing me to have reservations about all that freedom entails. So what does freedom entail? More time for food, for teevee to live out my couch potato dream to the fullest, more time for chilling with friends, more time for church, a distant distant memory that is slowing coming back to me now. Went to church, as in for CYF, after like ten years-hyperbole- of my disappearance. First thing everyone said to me was BECKS YOU ARE BACK! REBECCA HAVENT SEEN YOU IN A LONG TIME! Haha, round two is gonna come again on Sunday morning when i go back for choir. Feels good anyhow, to be back in somewhere where you still feel comfortable despite being gone for an eternity. More carolling and more suppers to come, i like! :D

Was having a long conversation with Victoria on the way home from supper (thank you for walking to my place!), we came to the topic on how important indeed it is to have a particular goal you wish to work towards in life, be it in the near future or in the long road down. We shared rather similar views on it, and when i tried to think of what my goal was, my thoughts went dry, because i really had no inkling of what I had in mind. What I really want to do in the future is still quite a blur, while it's grand to have great expectations (hurhur) about your life sometimes, it's quite intimidating having to confront those expectations you've worked out, having to actually DO SOMETHING to make it work. My sloth mentality always tells me not to bother, simply because it's too tiring having to push yourself in achieving it, but having that thought at the back of your head that it probably wouldn't work out eventually. So wrong i know, but that disgusting feeling persists, and its difficult to shake it off. So what's my biggest 'task' after A's?

Self discovery, quit being a sloth and start working towards some goal :)
(sounds so sweeping huh)

And of course doing some job hunting ( any lobang must share the love okay), get a satisfying job with satisfactory pay, and perhaps going on a trip somewhere, been dying to do so for the longest time. Many things on the agenda this week and the next, freeeeeeeeedom, is an awesome feeling.

 

The future teaches you to be alone
The present to be afraid and cold
So if I can shoot rabbits
Then I can shoot fascists

Bullets for your brain today
But well forget it all again
Monuments put from pen to paper
Turns me into a gutless wonder

And if you tolerate this
Then your children will be next
And if you tolerate this
Then your children will be next
Will be next
Will be next
Will be next

Gravity keeps my head down
Or is it maybe shame
At being so young and being so vain

Holes in your head today
But Im a pacifist
Ive walked la ramblas
But not with real intent
And on the street tonight an old man plays
With newspaper cuttings of his glory days

Manic street preachers-If you tolerate this your children will be next

A levels in one week.
OMG, i never thought I'd here this day come. This is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too scary.
I just realised our Southeast Asia History paper is on Halloween. That's even scarier (literally! Omg i'm so funny)
Trick or treat, let's hope it'll be a treat (:
Pray! Pray damn hard!!
Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.
:'(
 

So the prelims have come and gone, just like that, well almost. Finally, rather. I've been burnt out since the start of the September (pseudo) holidays and the desire to study has not ignited ever since, a lulling momentum has been keeping me going, not like I've had a choice anyway. Not like any of us had a choice to be exact. Alright maybe we did have a choice from the beginning in choosing whether plunging into the whole A level business was the way to go, but having come thus far and a quarter more of a journey left before the big goodbye, in a good way I hope, it's such a waste to let it all go like that.

H1 Math battle plan was formulated today, it's about high time i start memorising all those damn formulas, I've been defeated/ass-raped/owned/drowned/screwed/suffocated by the atrocities of the previous papers, I can't lose another battle ):


p.s Krystle I hope you're doing okay.
p.p.s Melissa I hope you're having a smashing time in London and Scotland now (without me!! ): )
p.p.ps Dear God, I hope Prelims hasn't been too major a disaster for one and all.


Don't we all love sleepless nights?

I guess a countdown to the A's and prelims is needless, with people all around me doing so, everywhere, everyday, the thought of the impending exams just keep nagging in my head, it's scary, really, really scary. How unprepared i am, don't even get me started. But I take comfort that at the same time there are many others around me who are going through the same thing as i am, it's comforting, yet almost unnerving how the library ( yes all of them, school library, esplanade library), are packed till their closing hours. If our heads were translucent, you could almost see their brain cells protruding, overflowing with unending information, squeezed to the brim before it all spills out onto paper during the exams. How grotesque, the life of students. 

I think stress is an understatement.



I wish my knowledge could be like that of the five loaves and two fish in the bible parable.
Multiplied a thousand fold to feed the hungry, with a dozen baskets of excess.
Just not quite like that.
But being filled with the abundance of knowledge to quell one's needs, and others around us too.
Big dreams (:

 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


Something to think about.

Life can bring you many surprises, and as much as I do not really believe in the word: FATE, I guess this word was apt today! Unexpected as it was, I finally met up with my 3 girls tonight!! (Just when i was about to walk home from my bus stop. In a way, thank you Marcus for 'coercing' me to wait for your 88 to come, or I wouldn't have noticed Noelle and Denise sitting at the bus stop! )And thank you 3 for the night, Joan, Denise and Noelle, I had a wonderful start to my week and you guys have succeeded in chasing away my monday blues! Joan, I feel like I know you a thousand times better now, welcome to the 'dark' side ;)
Denise, fortunately I finally got to meet up with you after a gazillion and one years, 'night study' twas a blessing in disguise!
Noelle, thank you for enlightening us with your keen knowledge on the paparazzi and all that.( I'm drowning! Swim swim swim..)



BBQ Stingray and all we had at ChompChomp today was great with you girls! It made me feel for a while that A levels was next year, i really could do with the whole Gardens thing on a daily basis :D 



I'm couldn't thank God more for the four years with you guys in IJ Band, I feel so blessed for meeting you three today <333


Oh, did you say 5 History Tutorial Outlines?

Life can fuck you in many ways,

In endless situations, in countless opportunities, expected or unexpected, deserving or undeserving,

But sometimes the inevitable befalls you, unknowing of the consequences, detrimental or undamaging.

Facing the music of the choices one makes is never easy, a life-changing choice or a minor one like the changing of a hairstyle or perhaps, deciding not to plunge neck-deep into a precarious situation, it IS ultimately the choices we make, the actions we take that defines us.

The wariness of the opinions of us formulated by others affect one too many of us, the actions we partake, the words we say, the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we, everything.

Our very being of existence is being judged, every day of our lives, whether we like it not, we are given no choice. But choosing to ignore, or feigning ignorance is another. It makes us feel perhaps, better about ourselves. We own our lives, not letting others ‘own’ us.

The ball is in our court.

It rolls, and rolls, till it stops, laying stationary and giving way to the force of kinetic energy, the opposing force we’d like to conquer, but fail to. Such obstacles are one so common, but what we do to the ball thereafter is the defining factor. We kick the ball, bringing it once again in motion, forward or backward, it’s our choice. But always, in motion.

Live, and let live.

It’s so, so tiring sometimes.

One week's worth of real-i'm not so sure whether it was well-deserved for me- holiday over before I can say 'mid-years are over!', and it's back to the routine of a new school going term tomorrow. Like anybody else, I don't want to return to school, what with the newly implemented Super Tuesday by the history department, which really means tests, tests, tests every tuesday after school, additional history induced brain drain. I'm trying to find the joy of going to school, but it's quite hard, considering my impending doom at PTM, returning of exam scripts and stuff like that, not too exciting, yes? But I must say the past week has been quite a fun filled one indeed, 

Exploring Pulau Ubin with the 5 of them ( Diana the mastermind, it was a smashing success! ), rediscovering the lesser known rustic backdrops and breathtaking greenery and scenery of the little island off Singapore, it made me for a moment or two want to live the whole kampung lifestyle, rearing chickens and random farm animals, like wild boars! ( the sole one we saw at ubin was hugeeee and very smelly indeed) and basically just living life in all its simplicity, leaving behind the hustle and bustle of stressful city life :/ But, alas, it is not meant to be. Cycling with my buddies from the UMBOFICC ( or sth like that? ) was great fun all in all :) Pictures all taken from Diana's LJ, I'm lazy to repost it here.

And then there were the movies, pigging out sessions with friends, what better way to enjoy life right! Still think Botak Jones is the best western food can get for a good price and huge portions when you're damned hungry.

Saturday was spent at first the Singapore Arts Museum ( the old SJI ) where we bought stuff at the flea market, and then to Dempsey Hill.. where we settled for the cheapest place there, the Ben and Jerry's Bar/Cafe which has good food and a decent live band. But from the trip to Dempsey, it can be concluded that it is a rather overrated place where the rich gather, bitterness aside hahaha. Quite awesome fine-dining places there, so girls, ask your rich boyfriends to bring you there.

The weather's been sweltering these days, humid like there's no tomorrow, if only the weather was finer, maybe we'd all be a tad happier.

I was just watching The Kite Runner online, it's an amazingly thought-provoking show, and really sad too, but like always, the book's still better. I reckon it's gonna be a crazy term 3 ahead :o(



If we come to sleep, we are His drowsy ones
And if we come to wake, we are in His hands.
If we come to weeping, we are His cloud full of raindrops.
And if we come to laughing, we are His lightning in that moment.
If we come to anger and battle, it is the reflection of His wrath.
And if we come to peace and pardon, it is the reflection of his love.
Who are we in this complicated world?

Rumi, from The Kite Runner


  

One word to describe my mid-years: an utter MESS.
A complete digustingly horrifying waste of my time, unnecessary anxiety, frustration, thus summing up the incurred negative externalities which has reduced my social welfare. Paper after paper, ALL screwed. But of course, this isn't the ultimate determinant of anything, so 2nd last rehearsal for A levels messed up, s'alright, it's just PTM that I'm not looking forward to :/

Caught Penelope with Erika and Gabby after the others left, t'was a brilliant show, only to be described, no, illustrated by James McAvoy:



WOAH NELLY! ( ok maybe this picture isn't doing him justice. )

Time to take stock of my life, enjoy the week while it lasts and embrace the final term ( is it? ) of school! God bless all :D

As I was reading through my past entries from the past year or so- which brings me to realise that my LJ is almost two years old already and really, my writing hasn't changed much and that I seem to be writing lesser and lesser as the days go by, perhaps it corresponds to the happenings in my life, not very happening apparently-, I stumbled across this line that I wrote when I was musing about how we enter crossroads in our life, ever so often :

I wish I could just knock on heaven's door and have a good conversation with God, over Toffee Nut Latte.

Why the drink aforestated was Toffee Nut Latte then was because it was during year end last year and it was one of the Christmas drinks at Starbucks, I love!! But that's besides the point. I just finished reading yet another brilliant novel by Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Ms Prym, and I think everyone should really go give it a read! It brought to the fore the seeming complexity of our faith and relationship with God, but ultimately how simply God's work is shown in the things we do, God-sent or striven so madly for, we realise how interconnected Goodness is with Evil.

" If, tonight, the most beautiful prostitute in the village came in here, would you be able to see her as neither beautiful nor seductive?"

"No, but I would be able to control myself", the saint replied.

"And if I offered you a pile of gold coins to leave your cave in the mountain and come and join us, would you be able to look on that gold and see only pebbles?"

"No, but I would be able to control myself."

"And if you were sought by two brothers, one of whom hated you, and the other who saw you as a saint, would you be able to feel the same towards them both?"

"It would be very hard, but I would be able to control myself sufficiently to treat them both the same."

Chantal paused.

The stranger did not need Chantal to explain the story. Savin and Ahab had the same instincts- Good and Evil struggled in both of them, just as they did in every soul on the face of the earth. When Ahab realised that Savin was the same as him, he realised too that he was the same as Savin.

It was all a matter of control. And choice.

Nothing more and nothing less.


Paulo Coelho is damn brilliant, I am quite sure sometimes he has had conversations with God and God replied him. How I wish that was so for me sometimes, not just a one-way conversation with Him where I ask without reply, seek without having found. Perhaps I haven't been relentless enough, faithful enough. But then again, what is enough? Is there a measure to the faith one can have?

Complex and confusing.


On yet a different note, Happy Belated 18th Mel! :D
Was so pleased to see you at church this morning and I need a knock on the head please, how could I not know when you were coming back from Perth!
We must must have a day out with Nat when she comes back this July, Suki Sushi it is! Which brings to mind, I miss Natasha Morgan ): Ketchup time is much needed!

When reality hits you, I suppose your first reaction is to evade that inescapable situation we are faced with. Yes, 5 days more to Lit, 6 to History and 9 to Econs?

Yeap, tell me about it, WHAT THE F. F. F. F. F.F.
I wish I could have that surreal mentality of "Fail then fail lah".
But for me, try as I might, I can't succumb to that thought.
Failure is not an option.

Oh boy.

Writing used to be one of my more passionate activities in life, not that I was actually extremely passionate about anything for the past eighteen years, but expressing myself in words and conveying my thoughts in ink used to hold relatively high importance to me, but of late, my passion has waned. All my passions, albeit not many, for that matter.

So we've come two weeks or so into the june 'holidays', highlighting the inverted commas in the enclosed. What have I done thus far? If i don't recall wrongly, I've been studying, or at least engaging into the art of convincing myself that I've been studying. Staring at History Notes, gritting my teeth in frustration as I had to mull through copious pages of Great Expectations ( and subsequently feeling an innate sense of self-satisfaction for completing the required volume 2 for Mid Terms! ), and Econs... Never mind. Much credit has to be given though to my study buddies, Seren! Marcus! ( ok this one is debatable...), Amadea! Diana! Simone! But of course, I don't think I'm a very effective person to study with as the people aforestated would agree with. As I've come to realise now, nowhere else can beat the conduciveness that Esplanade Library can offer when it comes to studying, although the travelling bit is quite a bitch.

And lest I forget, within the last two weeks, I've spoilt my (relatively) new phone which I'd grown to be quite proud of, thanks to the CYF BBQ at Vic's place where I was unlucky enough to fall victim to being thrown into the pool and yes... with my phone in my pocket. Well okay I've gotten over the cursing and swearing bit- I don't bear grudges hahaha- but now I've to contend with an old spare phone with no camera, very old school indeed. Within the few days after the phone in pool aftermath, I tried to convince myself to feel the supposed Zen-ness of being uncontactable by the world, but failed miserably,  thus concluding that I'm a slave to technology. 

Alright, it's time to... STUDY!

Oh and yes, Thanks Mel and Jess for that night! :D

Bravado
(brə-vä'dō)  n.   pl. bra·va·dos or bra·va·does
1.defiant or swaggering behavior: 
2. A pretense of courage; a false show of bravery. 
3. A disposition toward showy defiance or false expressions of courage. 

Chanced upon this word while reading a GP passage a couple of days ago, I didn't know the meaning of the word, but it sure did sound like an assertion of courage, something good perhaps. I was wrong, perhaps this is how we live our lives sometimes, bravado, in bravado, with bravado, however you use the word. In a state of false bravery, we are all like that in some way or another. Putting up fronts and erecting personal barriers from others, refusing to reveal our weaker, more vulnerable, true sides. 

Pride is everything, like a prized posession we hold on firmly to, refusing to give it up at all costs in the name of not wanting to bear the brunt of shame, the perceived loser. Our pride hangs like a shining mantle gleaming, perhaps not so brightly, hiding away our capacity for humility and taking away our ability to love. But we still choose the former at the expense of the latter much of the time anyway because we care too much about what the world thinks of us, as much as we hate to admit it. Much of the pretense we receive are really a reflection of what we are. That's pretty much a piece of jadedness from me, yup prep for GP!

But indeed, it's so accurate, even unbelieving heathens would lay testimony to what the Bible says about how Pride comes before the Fall. The Bible can be so current sometimes.

On a random note: I wanna feel how it's like to be hippie. So cool, so euphoric with no cares and concerns of this world. Haha, I wish. GP PAPER TOMORROW! 


epitome of hippieness!

 
HAPPY 18th AMADEA!
Thanks for being such an awesome friend and for all that we've been through together! Life couldn't have been more different without you, my favourite bird.
( In a good way of course )
:D


I'm tired.

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

I'm glad for friends who make up for the occasional bouts of loneliness, drying up the tears in my eyes, filling my voice with laughter, giving meaning to my actions, and making my love worthwhile. Sometimes I wish I could give my head a hard knock, there comes a point where a re-evaluation is needed to give my life an overhaul. But looking at things in retrospect, dammit, if I'd done things any differently, perhaps I wouldn't be where I am today. But of course, whatever is, is changing.

We wake up to something, even the slightest, having changed and that too is something inevitable, beyond our control. However conformity is asserted upon people, the rebel in some gets the better of them. That too, isn't a bad thing. Even Madonna too bans her daughter from candy and tv, this abstinence she claims is mark of a punk rock rebel, refusing the conformities that the media invokes in us. Madonna, what irony. But perhaps it could be true, rebellion may not always be a bad thing, notwithstanding the whole separatists armed rebellions around the world thingamajig which plague our minds in history. For that too, you've gotta applaud these brave souls or masses of people who've fought for their lives all in the name of independence and a better life for themselves and their descendants. Thoughts of history. Honest to honest, I love the subject and how it's shaped the world we live in now. But ask me to meet those damn deadlines of research assignments, endless tutorials and brain drains at tests and exams, it kinda kills the fun in the learning.

 Little things excite me these days.
No rather, few things excite me these days.

(I want to break free)
(I want to break free)
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've want to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love

It's strange but it's true
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free, baby
Oh how I want to break free,
Oh how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I can't get used to, living without, living without,
Living without you by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows, got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see
God knows, gods know, gods know
I've want to break free 

Queen is just, amazing really.
So maybe only the title of the song applies to me right now, nothing about love,
nothing about not being by anybody's side, nothing about breaking free from lies,
but in essence, breaking free from my shell of boredom, monotony and more recently,
cynicism and dont-careness.

Work, work, piling up, like rubbish in a rubbish truck.
With History and much Great Expectations, I guess it's just my luck.
( I freakin rhyme!! )

:)


MOO.
( have you seen my awesome little stapler from Art Friend? )

[

Feelin'

|

melancholy

]

TEAM CJCANOE! says:
happiness comes at a great price

TEAM CJCANOE! says:
he who gives up everything and yearns for naught has truly found happiness!

TEAM CJCANOE! says:
see, GREAT PRICE!


That concept of happiness really took the cake for me man. Philosophical Gerald huh! I thought that really made a lot of sense to me.


TEAM CJCANOE! says:
i think im buddha

TEAM CJCANOE! says:
cause i can come up with quotes like tht

TEAM CJCANOE! says:
therefore

TEAM CJCANOE! says:
from now on, pls bow when you see me

TEAM CJCANOE! says:
for i have attained....

TEAM CJCANOE! says:
enlightenment!


And then i changed my mind about Gerald being philosophical. HAHA.

Sanity comes with quite a price, I'd say. Without it we are nothing. Nothing. But with its possession comes the burden of thought, then subsequent unhappiness. But as Mr Fahy once said, Unthought acceptance makes us nothing but fools. Something along that line.

Well, something's gotta give.

Since the time I fell ill, and subsequently almost recovered and now fully well, many things have happened along the way, in particular, this eventful week of awesome activities which has made Term 2 Week 4 such a wonderful week! Contrary to all my monotonous and mundane book burying (ok not really ), ranting and sulky weeks about how life has been suck-ing, this week has been tres happy :)

Of projects,
Very very content is what I am for the A! and I have all my group members to thank for being in the group with me and contributing to making our project work successful, right from the very beginning where we sat down envisioning what we wanted the end result to be at the start of last year ( when mr fahy was still around, i miss that man so! ) So thank you Leanne, Sonia and Diana, heart you all long time! Victory dance ensues! Anyhow, I hope everyone else will accept their results and move on to better things whether they had satisfactory or unsatisfactory grades, cos' ultimately our H2s matter the most! That also means, more book burying and study guides as best friends.

Of blood,
I am not a virgin (blood donor) as of today anymore! First time experience of blood donation ( think: bags of blood, needles, pain, tears..), all those fearful thoughts were running through my head from the minute i entered the audi-ex with the intention of donating blood. It was damn nerve-wrecking, for me at least, and Jamie and Shawn's theories on how blood was gonna spurt out in all directions and nurses catching the blood in buckets freaked me out even more, not like i believed them or anything. HAHA. Waiting in the same bloody ( no pun intended, really ) place for 4 freaking hours as we moved from station to station ( machiam doing 5 items like that, the actual blood donation process would be the equivalent of doing 2.4), i got more and more freaked out each passing minute.. and when I got to my turn finally, turns out that the process wasn't painful after all! And the process was really fast too, especially fast in my case lah. Thank you Amadea for accompanying me throughout ( really sorry for making you wait such a looong time although you weren't the one doing it! ) and Diana for freaking out with me, i think i was freaking out a hundred times more than you were. And Simone for convincing me that blood donation wasn't painful, not considering the fact that she actually enjoys it, anticipating it for 2 months some more!

"Your prick is so small!"

Of brothers,
and sisters too, friends and my family who have given me moral support and encouragement for I believe, the Choir concert on tuesday night. Despite it being a tuesday night with school the next day, I'm really grateful for you guys having come to watch the concert! Also for the many practices and yellings of Mr Toh prior to the concert, it is really the choir people, the J1s and J2s, especially Amadea and Jaslyn who've always been there for me, making choir so much more enjoyable than the previous year, which I'm sure many can testify to, ha.

So thank you,
Classmates!! Diana ( and Ruben ), Marcus, Debbie, Gabby (and Felix), YiJiang, Xavier and Gilbert.
IJ friends Seren and Nicky, Abigail and Grace, Joan and Noelle for coming!
and thank you for the flowers, cards and gifts, much much appreciated :)


Above all that, I survived NAPFA, thus it marks the end of having to do any compulsory sporting tests/trainings, non inclusive of PE which I hope will be more fun than running rounds from now on, I sound like the unfittest girl in the whole wide world now, hahaa.

hope the happiness keeps up, for one and for all.

Cos' lately i've been tired and uninspired (quotes seren on this)
To blog that is, well I guess it gets kinda redundant and pointless after a while because all i've been doing these days are none other than studying, eating, sleeping and worrying. Maybe worrying > everything else. Thinking about it, it's quite sad really. We spend our childhood ( 12 years of our life beginning from primary one, and i'm not even including those kindergarten days where everything seems all fun and enjoyable) studying, studying, and guess what? STUDYING. But of course I won't be unreasonable and say that we had a terrible childhood because above all the years studying for examinations which never seem to end, we still managed to have a certain amount of fun. But I give my best bet that without the many unnecessary tests that we have not including the major ones, our childhood would've been more pleasant.

Of course I won't forget the memories of that in IJ, all ten years of it, that inexplicable amount of fun i had.. is well, inexplicable. The friends, the teachers, the surroundings and all the ij things we did in those 10 years, I'm sure no one would, or ever could forget them. I guess I'm singing a rather different tune now, maybe the growing old(er) part has made me more cynical about those i-hate-life times and it just gets even worse when you realise what more you could have done but did not. I like CJ, it has given me a different, yet no so, different experience all together, but sometimes it sucks having to move on. If i had the choice of being trapped in my own happy world with candy floss as clouds and unicorns flying over the rainbow (ok no), I very well would. But I suppose life will not always be the way we want it to, it's not meant to be like that. We secretly laugh at others misery as it sometimes makes us feel better, it's selfish, very. But we do anyway, and after a while, our conscience creeps up to us and we feel selfish thereafter for doing so. So why do we do what we do anyway?

I am, very tired. And uninspired.

Sometimes even within a crowd
We find ourselves all alone
Alone, in the sense that we think no one really cares at the end of the day
It's normal to feel that way sometimes, I guess
As we lay down in bed at night,
and we wonder if we are ever in someone's thoughts or prayers
Or are we merely people, seen but forgotten
It's normal to feel that way, I guess
But just who keeps us in their hearts, if not all the time, at least sometime?
I suppose there is always someone out there who gives a damn about you
Even if no one does,
I know, God does.

 
An overdue HAPPY 18th to my favourite Jessica, four years IJsec classmate, bus buddy, sitting buddy, movie buddy, pigging out buddy and basically for always being there for me, six years six years and going strong! I enjoy every moment of laughter and stupid things we do, cos I can laugh at you and you can laugh at me and we can talk about anything under the sun till the cows come home. Love you long time (:



My two bestest bestest buddiezz MELISSA and KRYSTLE for everything you guys have done, for always listening and for being the 2 greatest friends in the whole wide world ( thursday thursday yaay! )


And of course, my awesomezz class ( about half of which whom are not in the picture), and and some of t4 whom we have become good friends with! ( check out Ah Pie/Pai in his flex muscle pose, too bad it didn't capture his abundant moobs) We've also got fellow friends from Mandai, namely Gerald, Dinesh and Ah Pie who are somehow related to the late Ah Meng. Striking resemblance aye! And thanks dinesh in advance for the free tour to your vast 'home' (:

OKAYs, study hard guys!
CTs no joke ):